iceberg ,carlsberg or spielberg

BEST JOKE award winner in UK 


One Chinese person walks into a bar in 
America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.         As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. 

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says                   "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." 

The astonished Chinese man replied 

"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese." 


"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. 

In return, the Chine se gives Spielberg a slap and says   "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me"  

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,you're all the same." 

SSSSSh Court In session please !

A minority of lawyers

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people 
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Funny and true!!   

  
 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
 _______________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
 WITNESS: July 18th. 
 ATTORNEY: What year? 
 WITNESS: Every year. 
 _____________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
 ______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
WITNESS: I forget. 
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?  _____________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
_____________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
WITNESS: My name is Susan. 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? 
WITNESS: We both do. 
ATTORNEY: Voodoo? 
WITNESS: We do. 
ATTORNEY: You do? 
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
____________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty -year -old, how old is he? 
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty 
________________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
 WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?   
_____________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
WITNESS: Uh.... 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
WITNESS: None. 
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
 ______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. 
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition 
notice which I sent to your attorney? 
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
_____________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead 
people? 
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
WITNESS: Oral. 
______________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy 
on him! 
____________________________________________ 
  
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
WITNESS: Huh? 
__________________________________________ 
  
And the best for last 
  
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a 
pulse? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began 
the autopsy? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing 
law.   

Jangan Anda Ketawa

Jika anda mempunyai jiran macam ni, BERSABAR saja lah....hu hu hu

Cara terbaik pihak kontraktor  memberitahu anda "jalan sedang dibaiki"..

                                                        Toilet Any One?At your own      risk!

Best TaTOO of the year

                                                         MAAF SAYA DAH        TERLAMBAT NI..

                            

BERKHIDMAT UNTUK NEGARA UNTUK RAKYAT  JELATA  .RAKYAT DIDAHULUKAN

Baju CINTA

KISAH BAJU CINTA ...............Hang JANGAN kata aku berkedut! aku belum "iron"lagi ni. BAJU CINTA. Seorang nenek datang menziarahi rumah cucu perempuannya yang baru berkahwin. Setelah membunyikan loceng, si nenek terkejut kerana mendapati cucu perempuannya membuka pintu tanpa seurat benang pun di badannya. Belum sempat si nenek bertanya, si cucu berkata, "Saya sedang menunggu suami saya pulang dari berkerja ni nek!" "Yang kau telanjang tu kenape!!!??? " marah si nenek. " Ala nek, ini la BAJU CINTA saya," balas si cucu perempuannya. "BAJU CINTA ??" si nenek kehairanan. "Ya, suami saya menyukainya dan saya juga begitu senang MEMAKAInya Saya harap nenek balik dulu sebelum suami saya pulang kerana tentu suami saya akan berasa malu melihat saya memakai BAJU CINTA ini di hadapan nenek." Pinta si cucu dengan penuh hormat. Si nenek faham kehendak cucunya. Dia fikir mungkin itu cara terbaru si isteri melayan sang suami... Di dalam perjalanan pulang si nenek mendapat idea ..Fikirnya, dengan mengikut cara cucunya, sudah tentu dia dapat mengeratkan hubungannya dengan si atok (suaminya) yang sudah berumur. Sesampainya di rumah, si nenek terus menanggalkan semua pakaiannya,mandi, berbedak dan memakai minyak wangi sewangi- wanginya.Dia menuggu kepulangan suaminya dengan sabar. Beberapa ketika si Atok pun pulang. Sebaik saja pintu di buka, si Atok terkejut sakan melihat si nenek (isterinya) berbogel di depan pintu. "Awat hang nie? Dah buang tebiat keee???" marah si Atok. "Ini lah BAJU CINTA saya bang" kata si nenek. "BAJU CINTA???..... . Kok iye pun, IRON la dulu baju tu!!berkedut sgt nampaknya.."

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